Mia kainouria mera

[tha egrafa me ellinikous haraktires, alla den eho ellinika sto grafeio]

koimithika poly, xypnisa, ekana oli tin ierotelestia pou hreiazomai pleon gia na antimetopiso ton exo kosmo, symperilamvanomenou tou isiomatos tou malliou mou, ekleisa to logariasmo mou sto facebook kai efyga apo to spiti me syntrofia to radio. piga sto panepistimio, diavasa 10 selides me klassiki mousiki sta aytia, piga me olo to gang sto welcome lunch ton kainourion amoiron symfoititon mou, gnorisa mia poly endiaferousa kopela, efaga ta apaisia trigonika sandwich kai ipia apeiro sparkling water kai meta kafe, sto grasidi me to gang kai fotografiko reportage tou fresher's fair. sto grafeio gia diavasma pali, i O. me paresyre (den ithela kai poly) se welcome party tis koinoniologias, i opoia eihe chef kai poly kalytero fagito apo to diko mas, gatecrashing, food stuffing kai pali diavasma. Kai to vrady tha pao se all girls dinner. Gia ligo akoma tsampa fai. Ayta einai?

Πολύ ωραία... Ε;

Η μέρα ξεκινάει ημιδυναμικά με καφέ από το σπίτι και full πρωινό, μετά από μια ώρα είμαι στο γραφείο και χαζολογάω για λίγο, μετά καφέ με τον Τ. και catch up μηνών με περίεργες αποκαλύψεις, meeting με τη δικιά μου, άγχος χωρίς (ελπίδα του να εξαφανιστεί) αύριο, χαμένη στο μικρό κήπο για καμιά ώρα χωρίς (καμία ελπίδα για) αύριο, παρηγοριά από την S., φαγητό εκεί, απόφαση για φωτογραφική βόλτα στο κέντρο, κερασμένος καφές, σπίτι με των 17:25.

Η Ελευθερία που δεν είναι χαρούμενη

Όλα εκείνα τα χαρούμενα πάλι τα ξέχασα. Τα χαρούμενα σήμερα ποιά είναι;

Και τώρα Ελευθερία μου;

Καλοκαίρι, παρέα, πλατεία, ρακί, τεκίλα, σανραιζ, ένα κουνέλι και μια κότα τί σπίτι να ανοίξουνε, Αντίπαρος, Αθήνα, Ρόδος, Χανιά, ήρθε η Εύα για μια βδομάδα, μπάνια, μπάνια, μπάνια, μπάνια, φωτογραφίες, ένα ειδύλλιο του οποίου η πορεία είναι απρόβλεπτη, ένα ειδύλλιο που τελείωσε και όλοι προσπαθούν να φύγουν, ο Ζαχαρίας που έκατσε εικοσιτόσες μέρες αντί τρεις-τέσσερις, στην Πλατεία μέχρι το ξημέρωμα, η καινούρια μου φωτογραφική που άργησε.. 15 μέρες, ένας ήλιος που μου έχει γίνει εξάρτηση, το σπίτι σου που έρχομαι και φεύγω, η Στέλλα να αναδιαμορφώνει τον κόσμο, τα όνειρα για παραλίες που δεν πραγματοποιούνται όλα, δε γίνεται, δύο κεφάλαια που έχω γράψει τα 7/10, γλυκό crank, full φάση, scrantch ξανά και ξανά, ένα borelis σε ό,τι δε μου ταιριάζει, μια προσπάθεια να ονειρευτώ έξω από το καλοκαίρι, μια ελπίδα για ένα εξίσου ή περισσότερα όμορφο αύριο, εισιτήρια, εισιτήρια και όσα λεφτά έχω να γίνουν εισιτήρια, ο χειμώνας που με τρομάζει, εγώ εδώ, εγώ εδώ, κάτι φάσεις που απλά σε βάζουν σε σκέψεις, ξανασκέφτεσαι τη φιλία, χωριά και οφτά, σωτήριο lunchpack της μαμάς, η φωνή που χάνεται για μέρες, το τέλος του καλοκαιριού που μυρίζει, ό,τι ήθελα να πάρω νομίζω ότι το πήρα, καλή διάθεση από όλους, κακή διάθεση ανά καιρούς, οπτικοακουστικό υλικό που αναστατώνει, ιδρώτας άλλες φορές γλυκός κι άλλες δυσβάσταχτος, το Μεξικό που δεν πήγα ποτέ, η Λισαβώνα που θα είμαι σε δύο εβδομάδες, στον ξενώνα με Ναπολεών και ελληνικό, το πρώτο τσιγάρο της μέρας το απόγευμα, ένα ξημέρωμα στο Σαμψων, γλυκιά αντάρα για σενα junky, άσε τα 25 και τις αηδίες, μια ζωή το ίδιο θα'ναι, χαρούμενα γενέθλια στο Νίκο ακόμα και αν έστειλε το δώρο μου αλλού, το Skype ενώνει ανθρώπους, ο υπολογιστής μου στα όρια της θερμοπληξίας, ένα καλοκαίρι με μια τσάντα-βαλίτσα από της Μινωικές Γραμμές, δύο-τρεις παραλίες ήθελα ακόμα, πρώτη φορά στο Ναυπηγείο, ανθρωπολογικές έρευνες σε τουαλέτες μαγαζιών, πρωινό, μεσημεριανό, βραδινό, σύκα από το περιβόλι του παππού, η τιμητική του παππού, ένα άρθρο που προκαλεί δάκρυα, κάποια πράγματα που θα θυμάμαι για πάντα, η τελειότητα της μάνας μου, το άραγμα με τη Σοφία, οι συζητήσεις με την Εύα, η άνεση με το Ζαχαρία, καινούριες και παλιές γνωριμίες, emails χωρίς επαφή, δουλειά, δουλειά, Ξυλούρης, ο Χρήστος που ήρθε στην Αντίπαρο μετά την επέμβαση, ποτά μόνη μου στον Κούκο σαν τον κούκο αλλά ωραία φάση, τί φάση παίζει, τί σόι φάση είσαι συυυ ρωτώ, το μπουκάλι που ανοίξαμε μετά κόπων και βασάνων, η έκθεση που σιχάθηκαν όλοι, 2-3 θέατρα στην αρχή του καλοκαιριού, τα σχέδια για Κεδρόδασος, τα ταξιδιωτικά περιοδικά, ο καφές που παραγγέλνεις από το τηλέφωνο για να είναι έτοιμος όταν πας, οι γιαγιάδες με την αγάπη και τη γκρίνια, στο αμάξι με το Νίκο, στο αμάξι για μπάνιο, στο αμάξι για δουλειά, 4-5 φορές στο δρόμο με μουσική στα αυτιά, η χαρά του να κατεβαίνεις αργά, η χαρά του να γυρνάς νωρίς, οι οδοί και οι ήχοι που δε φωτογραφίζονται, η θάλασσα που θέλω μέσα μου, στα τηλέφωνα όλοι, οι κάρτες Vodafone, το Internet που φαίνεται σαν πολυτέλεια, γλυκό καλοκαιρινό mayhem.

Και τώρα;

Είναι ωραία η θάλασσα, πώς την αφήνεις πίσω σου;

The Shy Retirer

For I will always be
the music I have
the love I own
the plans I make
the thoughts I stop
the trips, the jinx of the great outside
the great british summer
and the comfort in return to the home.

The National - Slow Show Lyrics

Standing at the punch table swallowing punch
can’t pay attention to the sound of anyone
a little more stupid, a little more scared
every minute more unprepared

I made a mistake in my life today
everything I love gets lost in drawers
I want to start over, I want to be winning
way out of sync from the beginning

I wanna hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I’m very, very frightening
I’ll overdo it

Looking for somewhere to stand and stay
I leaned on the wall and the wall leaned away
Can I get a minute of not being nervous
and not thinking of my dick
My leg is sparkles, my leg is pins
I better get my shit together, better gather my shit in
You could drive a car through my head in five minutes
from one side of it to the other

I wanna hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I’m very, very frightening
I’ll overdo it

You know I dreamed about you
for twenty-nine years before I saw you
You know I dreamed about you
I missed you for
for twenty-nine years

You know I dreamed about you
for twenty-nine years before I saw you
You know I dreamed about you
I missed you for
for twenty-nine years

The National - Slow Show

way out of synch from the beginning

Before the Summer Begins the Summer Inside Dies

Death Cab for Cutie - Photobooth

I remember when the days were long
and the nights when the living room was on the lawn.
Constant quarreling the childish fits
and our clothes in a pile on the ottoman.
All the slander and double speak were only foolish attempts
to show you did not mean,
anything but the blatant proof was your lips touching mine in the photobooth.

And as the summers ending the cold air rush your hard heart away.
You were so condescending,
and this is all that's left
scraping paper to document.
I've packed a change of clothes and it's time to move on.

Cup your mouth to compress the sound,
skinny dipping with the kids from a nearby town.
And everything that I said was true
as the flashes blinded us in the photobooth.
Well I lost track when those words were said,
you took the wheel and you steered us into my bed,
and soon we woke and I walked you home
and it was pretty clear that is was hardly love.

And as the summers ending,
the cold air will rush your hard heart away.
You were so condescending,
and this is all that's left scraping paper to document.
I've packed a change of clothes and it's time to move on.

And as the summers ending,
the cold air will rush your hard heart away.
You were so condescending,
as the alcohol drained the days.
And as the summers ending,
the cold air will rush your hard heart away.
You were so condescending.
And this is all that's left,
The empty bottles spent cigarettes so pack a change of clothes
'cause its time to move on.

And as the summer's ending...

3''

Woke up from a great dream
Started wondering
Wonder seemed the deed
Last night was hard remembering

Oh My God - Lily Allen

Click Here

Time on your side that will never end
The most beautiful thing you can ever spend
But you work in a shirt with your name tag on it
Drifting apart like a plate tectonic
It don't matter to me
'Cos all I wanted to be
Was a million miles from here
Somewhere more familiar
Too much time spent dragging the past up
I didn't see you not looking when I messed up
Settling down in your early twenties
Sucked more blood than a backstreet dentist
It don't matter to me
'Cos all I wanted to be
Is a million miles from here
Somewhere more familiar
Oh my god I can't believe it
I've never been this far away from home
And oh my god I can't believe it
I've never been this far away from home
And oh my god I can't believe it
I've never been this far away from home
And oh my god I can't believe it
I've never been this far away from home
Great rulers make for greater glory
The only thing growing is our history
Knock me down I'll get right back up again
I'll come back stronger than a powered up Pac-Man
It don't matter to me
'Cos all I wanted to be
Was a million miles from here
Somewhere more familiar
Oh my god, I can't believe it
I've never been this far away from home
And oh my god I can't believe it
I've never been this far away from home
And oh my god I can't believe it
I've never been this far away from home
And oh my god I can't believe it
I've never been this far away from home

"new lives and friendships darling"

De Rosa - Love Economy

i didn't let it inter fear with you
new lives and friendships darling
my inability to shake the suffering
to stop my brain from turning round
my heart is filling up with dread
i have lost you and i know it
now the water is rising in my chest
i'm becoming it i'm becoming
you send the secret back to me my love
i need to know now petal
are you there? acheing under your bed clothes and postcards
so this, this is what we've done to us
killed the newness we share excuses
words and minds and everything is dead tonight
so ill make my money and buy me love a new
know human chaos for everything
its economical in a love economy
to cut our loss to manage damages
i'm economical i'm a love economy
im not the winner
youre the killer
or am i the killer?
im a number and im a liar
im the killer i set the fire
im a number and im a liar
im the killer i set the fire
i wont get it back to you my heart
i cant afford it
i wont get it back to you my heart
i cant afford a ticket
you wont get it back to me my heart
you cant afford to ship it
you wont get it back to me my heart


They marked my April. I marked their words.

Going Back - Moving Forward

Flowers on the Wall (Statler Borthers)

I keep hearin' you're concerned about my happiness
But all that thought you're givin' me is conscience I guess
If I was walkin' in your shoes, I wouldn't worry none
While you 'n' your friends are worried about me I'm havin' lots of fun

Countin' flowers on the wall
That don't bother me at all
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do

Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town
As long as I can dream it's hard to slow this swinger down
So please don't give a thought to me, I'm really doin' fine
You can always find me here, I'm havin' quite a time

Countin' flowers on the wall
That don't bother me at all
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do

It's good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright
Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light
And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete
So I must go back to my room and make my day complete

Countin' flowers on the wall
That don't bother me at all
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do

Don't tell me I've nothin' to do

No Sunlight

...

... I could probably not care less for lipstick and makeup and nice clothes, given that I always have the opportunity to travel, to see the world through my own eyes.

Bat for Lashes - Daniel

Daniel when I first saw you
I knew that you had a flame in your heart
And under under our blue skies
Marble movie skies
I found a home in your eyes
We'll never be apart

And when the fires came
The smell of cinders and rain
Perfumed almost everything
We laughed and laughed and laughed
And in the golden blue
Cryin' took me to the darkest place
And you have set fire to my heart

When I run in the dark, Daniel
To a place that's worst ?
Under a sheet of rain in my heart
Daniel
I dream of home

But in a goodbye bed
With my arms around your neck
Into our love the tears crept
Just catch in the eye of the storm
And as my heart ran round
My dreams pulled me from the ground
Forever to search for the flame
For home again
For home again

When I run in the dark, Daniel
To a place that's worst?
Under a sheet of rain in my heart
Daniel
I dream of home

When I run in the dark, Daniel
To a place that's worst
Under a sheet of rain in my heart
Daniel
I dream of home

Heart of Chambers

This is what I was missing...

...the comfort and the joy of being one's self.

Έτσι, για πλάκα...